Once a Parent Always a Parent?
Recently I watched an episode of Judge Judy where a mother took her daughter to court for repayment of monies loaned. I do not normally watch this so I don’t know if it was a new episode or repeat. Unfortunately for the mother, she was not able to recoup her money on the basis that she loaned money to someone who did not have the resources to repay in the first instant. As a matter of fact, the money was used to pay a utility bill.
As it turned out, this daughter thought that her mother was not there for her as a child anyway so nothing is wrong if she is collecting from her now. It is her impression that her mother owes her!.
I believe that as parents we should try to make the path easier for our children than we had growing up. Don’t get me wrong as I’m not saying that children should be spoilt and given anything that they want. They should be taught the value of work and going after their dreams but grant them the necessary support that helps them along and make the path smoother. Not many parents can or even will do that as we have different ways and means of bringing up our children and that’s okay. Everyone’s circumstances are different.
It appeared that this mother was emotionally, physically and financially unavailable to her child and unfortunately this daughter resented her for it. I get that but she herself has now become a parent and still expects her mother to be the mother she should have had as a child.
Now you tell me. Is this mother still responsible for her adult child? As an adult I have had challenges where I did need my mother’s support which she gladly did but this is no way suggests that she is obligated to me. This young lady actually went on to say, “once a parent, always a parent.” True as it is, it does not mean that as children regardless of age, our parents are still responsible for us. Yes she was still bitter about her childhood but this young lady needs to move on. Seek the necessary help to forgive and try to build a positive relationship with her mother.
I have met persons in my line of work who will share how strict their parent was while they were growing up or they were not sent to school and so they are unable to read. Unfortunately, they were making excuses for how their lives turned out. Did their upbringing contribute? Yes it did but they are no longer children so they have to now take responsibility for their own lives and create the change that they want. Be the parent that they wanted for themselves for their children.
I believe that parents should take care of their children and make the transition to adulthood as comfortable and fulfilling as possible. I’ll reiterate that it is my view. However, I do not believe that adult children should think that their parents are obligated to them regardless of their upbringing.
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